I don’t know about you, but I was raised in a Catholic family and went to Catholic schools (despite deciding for myself at a very young age that religion was *not* for me!) and so I never had a proper sex education in school.  All we were taught was that the deliberate use of the sexual faculty outside of marriage was contrary to its only legitimate purpose [procreation,  and the unification of the husband and wife in the sacrament of marriage].  This included, but was not limited to: masturbation, homosexuality, sodomy, sex before/outside of marriage.  Even contraception is viewed as conflicting with the view of sex as a means for creating life.

I remember the one day in religion class, (during grade 7, I think), where the issue of sexuality was addressed, albeit quite briefly, and how uncomfortable the teacher was, telling us how the practice of self-pleasure is not viewed as honoring the purpose of “God’s gift of sexuality”.  She happened to be separated from her husband, and was virtually certainly committing the “sin” of sex outside of marriage, whether with a boyfriend, or just by herself.  I wondered why the whole topic caused such uniform discomfiture, and surmised that it was because my teachers didn’t believe in, nor practice what they taught.  I bet you’d find more Catholic high school teachers agreeing with, rather than opposing, real sex education, despite the church’s views.  Simply taking into account the number of girls exiled from the school after becoming pregnant proves that despite the school’s and the church’s teachings, students are still having sex.  ”Unprotected” sex, at that, because we were never taught about safer sex, or contraception.  And what an awful thing for an uninformed teenage girl to choose to have sex, or perhaps even be the victim of rape, and then be denied the option of ‘Plan B’ (a.k.a. the morning after pill).  I’m not even going to get into the pro-choice debate here, as I’m sure you can already figure out my opinions on that

Now, that being said, I’d like to share with you some of the things I wish I was taught in school regarding sex, sexual health and sexual hygiene.  These are things that I’ve figured out for myself, through independent research, and my collected experiences both before and since I entered the sex industry.

First of all let’s talk about condoms.  One time I was staying at a girlfriends house overnight, and at the dinner table her father asked me to pass the condiments… having never been taught about condoms, I turned bright red thinking he was asking for condoms at the dinner table!  It’s astounding how little is taught about condoms and their use.  For example, it’s important that you do not keep a latex condom in your wallet just in case, because the friction of your wallet’s opening and closing, as well as your constant body heat from being in your pocket, can break down the latex.  Condoms are ideally stored near room temperature, so it’s best to keep them on the nightstand.  Sure, it’s better to be prepared than not, so if you expect you might have occasion for spontaneous sex, either carry polyurethane condoms (which are far less heat-sensitive) or replace it often!   Keeping a latex condom in your glove box in your car is also a terrible idea…  If you’ve ever gotten into a car that’s been in the summer sun, you’ll know that it can get pretty hot in there.  Even in the winter, your engine generates an enormous amount of heat, so there is a risk of latex degradation if you keep the condoms in your car all the time.  Wear & tear along with the temperature of their storage conditions are factors condom manufacturers take into account when deciding on the expiration date on the condoms, so pay attention to expiration date, and if you must keep a condom in a non-ideal place, replace it often to ensure its integrity.

As far as using a condom goes, there’s a couple of things to keep in mind.  First of all, always pinch the tip of the condom and hold it that way while you roll the rest of the condom down the shaft of the penis.  I’d guess that the most common reason for condom breakage is due to putting it on incorrectly and ending up with an air pocket inside it.  If there is an air bubble in the condom,  the condom can break.  Condoms are essentially penis-shaped balloons.  When you over-inflate a balloon it’s more likely to burst.   There is sufficient room in the reservoir tip of the condom to accommodate the semen (even if you’re Peter North!), but if it’s been subjected to repeated friction while over-stretched from having air in it, the likelihood of rupture is much greater.   Also CRITICAL to consider is that oil breaks down latex.  Most people don’t use oil for lubrication, but it’s not unheard of.  Make sure that if you are using oil, or an oil-based lubricant, with a condom, that you are using a poylurethane condom.  Even the newer polyisoprene condoms are not safe with oil.   Lipstick is largely based with oil, as are most hand & body lotions.  If you are using condoms for blow jobs as well as intercourse, keep in mind that greasy hands or lipstick covered lips can create a risk of condom breakage.

Now lets address something that terrifies a lot of people.  Sexually transmitted diseases.  Condoms will protect you against a lot of ‘em, but even condoms can’t fully protect you from herpes.  Herpes are essentially the very same virus that causes the blisters (‘cold sores’) that some people get on their lips.  If you get cold sores on your mouth from time to time, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean you’re dirty, or have done anything wrong… some people have been getting them since they were young children.  If you do have a cold sore presently, OR you’ve just gotten over one,  you MUST NOT engage in oral sex as the giver, because oral herpes (same virus, remember) can be transmitted to your partner and take on the form of genital herpes.  Approximately 1 out of every 4 people in the United States has herpes, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control – so if you DO have it, you’re not alone!

Herpes viruses cycle between periods of active infection producing blisters that contain infectious virus particles and that last 2–21 days, followed by a remission period, during which the sores disappear completely.  Genital herpes, however, is often asymptomatic (ie, shows no symptoms!), though viral shedding may still occur.  After initial infection, the viruses move to sensory nerves, where they may just lie dormant for the rest of your life.   What does this mean to you?  Well, someone with an active herpes outbreak is more likely to transmit the infection than someone who is not currently experiencing an outbreak, but this is merely a reduced, rather than eliminated, risk.  If you or your partner is having an outbreak, it’s best to abstain from sex until well after the symptoms have disappeared. Using condoms can reduce the risk of transmission, but again, it is merely reducing the risk, not eliminating it.  From what I’ve heard (as I’ve never had oral or genital herpes – *knock on wood!*), herpes outbreaks are usually incredibly painful and sex is not something that would feel good at the time anyway.

Does this mean because someone can have herpes, be asymptomatic and still transmit the infection, that you should be scared to have sex? No, of course not!  A good measure is to get up immediately after sex (I know, sometimes you just want to cuddle and nap), and give yourself a good wash with soap and water all around your genital area, from basically your bellybutton to your knees.  This way, if any virus particles have shed onto your skin, you can wash them off before they have a chance to take hold.

Okay, moving along.  It should go unsaid that good hygiene habits should be practiced at all times, especially if you’re going to be having sex with someone.  There isn’t much else as un-appetizing as going down on your partner only to experience the unwelcome aroma of unhygienic genitals. For un-circumcised men: for the love of fantastic sex, clean beneath your foreskin regularly!  Pull the skin back and wash it off with soap and water, preferably before you have sex.   Even if you had a shower that morning, by the evening your body has been shedding off skin cells and they get trapped in there and begin to decay.  This is what is often referred to as ‘dick cheese’.  Charming, I know *rolls eyes*  If you can’t pull your foreskin back because it’s too tight, then it might be worth considering having elective circumcision.  If you can’t clean underneath it, how can you expect anyone to want to lovingly gobble your knob?!  If you are uncertain, rub a q-tip under your foreskin and then give it a sniff.  If it smells foul, then you’re not cleaning it properly!

Ladies: this applies to all of you… the skin above your clit, the clit hood, is the female equivalent to a foreskin.  Dead skin cells, bodily fluids, perspiration and all sorts of things can get trapped under there.  The last thing you want is for your lover to go down, pull back your clit hood to get better access to your ‘love button’ and recoil at the olfactory attack an unclean clit-hood can cause!  We’re made of a bunch of flaps and folds down there, so make sure to spread appropriately when washing in the shower.  Just like the guys, do the q-tip test.  If it doesn’t smell good, you gotta wash it again.

Okay guys: when you urinate, do you shake off the last drop of urine before putting away your pecker? Well, I gotta say, that’s not good enough.  Take a piece of toilet tissue and wipe off those last drops because the little bit that squeaks out into your underwear is a most awful thing for a girl to discover when she’s pulling down your pants.  When it gets trapped in the fabric and stagnates with your body heat to exacerbate the smell, nothing good can come of it.  If it’s unavoidable and you’re going to have spontaneous sex, give your cock a little rinse in the sink just to be sure.

Guys and girls alike: everyone poops.  Fecal matter is filled with germs and bacteria – it’s the waste that your body is expelling because it’s simply that: waste.  Always wipe front to back, naturally, and wiping with a little dry toilet paper just isn’t enough.  Pay extra attention to this area in the shower, because your anus is a little pucker of skin folds, and you’d be surprised just how much you miss with a simple wipe.  I’ve had the unfortunate experience of encountering a few men when I was working in the massage parlor, who even after taking a shower immediately before their massage (as was required!), I’d start massaging up their legs, and as they’d spread their legs a little in relaxation, or to give me access to their cock, the smell that would escape was horrendous.  Thankfully this didn’t happen often, but it did happen, and honestly, once is already too many times!   Thankfully I’m comfortable enough to tell a guy to go wash again if anything is unsatisfactory down there.

And on that note, I will cap off this blog entry.  I’m sure I could go on for hours about helpful tips and advice on how to best shave your genitals, and the healthy way to douche, but to be honest with you – I have to get into the shower, because I’m about to have sex

Cheers!

Violet xox

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