Let me start off by saying that I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, but through personal experience I’ve learned a thing or two about anal sex, and I’d like to share some of those insights with you now.   As you might already know, I have not had anal sex in any of my films.  I have some experience in my personal life, and I can honestly say I’ve had some pretty profound orgasms during anal sex, but it’s not something I choose to partake in very often.  Why?  Because personally, I’m just not ready yet.

There are many girls in the adult industry who choose to have anal sex as a regular part of their performances, and have a truly gratifying time doing so.  There are many things you can experience by adding anal to your répertoire, from a variety of new sexual positions to experiencing double penetration (if you are unfamiliar with that term, it means both vaginal and anal sex simultaneously), to a whole new level of orgasms.  So again you are wondering, if anal is as wonderful as I am describing it, why am I not having it more often or on film?   Let me elaborate.

Anal sex, to me, is far more ‘romantic’ than vaginal sex.  It requires a bit of preparation, extra care and a lot of trust.  You really have to be in this for her.  After the initial penetration, once her anus relaxes enough to fit you in, it won’t contract again until after it’s all said and done, which can feel like less stimulation for you than you might experience with vaginal sex.  So, in my opinion, early anal experiences must be more about her pleasure than yours. Vaginas are normally fairly sturdy.  They’re designed to withstand a bit of a battering, they can self-lubricate to allow ease of use, and can stretch fairly easily to accommodate different sizes.  After-all, they need to be able to accommodate the birth of a baby, should the situation arise!  Now the anal canal, on the other hand, was designed primarily as an exit conduit for waste.  The tissue in there is quite sensitive, and can be easily damaged, not to mention, it produces no natural lubrication.  Without proper care, anal sex can very easily cause anal fissures which are quite painful and potentially dangerous, depending on the severity of the tear.  But don’t let that scare you off, simply do your research, learn as much as you can and be prepared before taking the plunge.

Alright, lets get to the down n’ dirty part.

1.) Anal sex doesn’t have to be ‘dirty.’ One of my first concerns about anal sex when I was still an anal virgin was making an un-sexy mess.  I was uncomfortable thinking about what might result from someone ‘entering through the exit door’.  Fecal matter is not exactly a turn on, if you know what I mean?  How on earth was I supposed to relax enough to enjoy anal sex when all I could think about was not making a mess.  This brings me to my first, and most important rule for anal sex: Lubrication, lubrication, and more lubrication!

As I mentioned earlier, the anus is not a self-lubricating thing.  You might use saliva in a pinch, but I wouldn’t recommend it.  Investing in a good lubricant for anal sex is never a bad investment.  If I wasn’t sensitive to it, I’d use silicone based lube.  It’s amazing stuff.  It is compatible with latex condoms (unlike oil-based lube) and it doesn’t dry up like water-based lube does, which is especially important for anal.  When things get too dry or tacky, that’s when the potential for injury is at it’s highest.  Using a generous amount of lube not only makes for a greater ease of entry, it also creates a sort of barrier between the finger(s)/dildo/penis and any residual waste that you might encounter inside.  Make sure to lubricate both the penetrator and the penetratee.  Using some lube not only around the anus itself, but also working some inside with a finger is a good idea to make sure things go smoothly.  As far as re-applying goes:  think about how often you might re-apply lube during really rigorous vaginal sex… now double it.  I’ll put it this way: taking a moment to re-apply lube is worth the minor interruption – and even if she says she’s fine, do it anyway.  Anal sex has a way of scrambling a girl’s brain, and especially if she’s new to it, she might not realize when she needs more lube until it’s too late.

Now, back to the waste concern.  Aside from lots of lube, keep in mind that the body has a sort of ‘holding tank’ for waste that is farther inside than you’re likely to reach during non-aggressive anal sex… especially if you’re new to it.  When a girl is a little tense, she’s not relaxing her muscles both inside and out, which would make passing waste very difficult even if it was intentional.   If, however, the concern is still preventing you or her from trying anal, then go to your local pharmacy and pick up an enema bag.  If they don’t have any, you can get one of those already prepared enemas in the constipation medicine section, but I’d recommend emptying out the medicated ingredients and just using warm water.  Lubricate the insertion tip, and flush out the anal canal once or twice to eliminate any waste in the immediate area.   Many pornstars will even go so far as to not eat anything for 12-24 hours before an anal scene, use laxatives to clean from the top down in additional to cleansing enemas, but if this is just recreational anal at home, its not necessary to go to that extreme.

2.) Anal sex is a pain in the ass! No, Anal sex should NOT hurt!  Pain during anal sex is usually sign that something is being damaged.  The anus is not as elastic as the vagina, and the muscle around the anus responds to initial penetration by contracting.  It is important to go slowly and wait until she is relaxed.  This is why I consider anal sex to be more romantic.  You must go very slowly at first, at the pace that *SHE* determines.  In fact, it is best to not thrust at all, but to let her ease herself onto you.  If she doesn’t trust that you are looking out for her best interests and will do everything you can to ensure her safety and enjoyment, she will not be able to relax enough to allow penetration.

Start small.  Fingers are a good place to start for the anal novice.  Make sure that your nails are both clipped *and* filed.  Just clipping them is not enough, as the edges are still sharp.  File your nails and double check that they are smooth by rubbing them along your inner thigh, or against a piece of silk.  If you feel anything scratchy, or if the silk snags, then file some more.  Make sure to lubricate your fingers, and introduce them slowly.  When she’s ready to explore anal, start by stimulating her anus on the outside during foreplay, or vaginal sex.  Let her get used to the sensation of being touched there, and enjoy the intimacy of the contact.  When inserting a finger, do it SLOWLY!  Let her control the pace, and always ask if she’s ready before you try to insert a second or third digit.  When she’s ready to try something more than fingers, again, always go at her pace.  You may be able to observe quite intimately, but ultimately only *she* knows exactly what she’s feeling.  Trust her, and let her trust you.  A good position to start is with her lying on her back at the edge of a tall bed, with you standing between her legs.  Despite the convenience, I wouldn’t recommend doggie-style to start, because it’s much harder for her to control the depth of your penetration that way.

Forget what you see in the movies.  Seriously guys, you both might be turned on by the fantasy of her being taken passionately and maybe even dominating her, with hot and heavy anal pounding, but in reality, please don’t act on that fantasy until you are both more comfortable and experienced with anal sex.  Also in some porn flicks, you’ll see emphasis on ‘ATM’s (which stands for Ass to Mouth), where a girl will take it in the ass then suck the guy off, or another girl will suck the guy after he’s been in the ass of someone.  You might also see a guy pull out of a girl’s ass and stick it in her vagina.  These are VERY dangerous things to do, even with pre-anal enemas, laxatives and fasting.  There is a lot of bacteria that live in the anal canal that can cause a lot of nasty infections.  I know personally, a few girls who’ve gotten e.coli infections, bacterial vaginosis, and other serious infections from doing either an ATM or ass to vagina scene.  It’s of course a choice, and I’m not here to judge your, or anyone else’s fantasy. I simply want you to know your risks first.  I have no experience with ATM as it’s not something I’m interested in at all, so I don’t have accurate statistics on infections and dangers of it, so I wont post any.  Just do your research.

3.) Enjoying the culmination of your hard work! So far I guess I’ve sounded a little bit on the negative side with all the warnings and cautions I’ve been writing.  Don’t get me wrong, these are very important, but with the bad comes so much good!  Anal orgasms have been some of the most profound orgasms I’ve ever experienced to date.  They’re brain-scrambling, mind-numbing, oh-my-god-I-never-knew-it-could-feel-this-good amazing!  I didn’t always think so, and I’ll tell you a funny (and slightly cautionary) story as to why.

Once I had finally found someone I could truly trust enough to try anal with, I let my curiosity win and we took the plunge.  He was much more experienced with anal sex, which helped a lot since I knew basically nothing.  He educated me in things to do to prepare myself cleansing-wise, and a little bit about what to expect, but nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to experience.  We started out with foreplay and then vaginal sex, and we didn’t even venture into anal until after I had a couple of orgasms already.  After my first orgasm, he started to play with my ass a little bit from the outside, (which felt amazing, btw!), and when I began my second orgasm he started introducing a finger which took my already mind-blowing orgasm to a much deeper level than I’d felt before.  I kept cumming, as he lubricated himself and started rubbing the tip of his cock on my ass, while asking me if I was ready for more.  We eased into it, all the while with him letting me control the depth and the pace, letting my body relax into the experience.  Once he was fully inside, the actual sex motion was nothing like regular sex.  It was VERY slow, too slow to even be considered thrusting, and more like caressing me from the inside.  The sensations were indescribable and needless to say they overwhelmed me quite quickly and I had probably the most powerful orgasm that is possible to have.  I barely remember it because it was so intense.  (Ever noticed how the brain has a wonderful way of blocking out extremely intense traumatic events?)  I was hardly in pain, but this was definitely a severe upheaval in sensations I was used to experiencing.

After my orgasm subsided, he slowly began to pull out, which we had to do even slower than the initial penetration, as all my muscles had contracted in orgasm.  (Remember: let her control the pace as you exit her, because it can’t be done  quickly or easily like vaginal sex allows) The first thing he did was go to the washroom and wash himself off with soap and water.  I had cleaned myself beforehand, but it’s always a good idea to wash off your unit after sex in case there are any bacteria hanging around.  (It also makes your cock much more appealing should she want to reciprocate by giving you a blowjob!)  He brought me a warm towel to wipe off the residual lube – as there was no way I was going to attempt to walk yet, and we both took a blissed-out nap.

Note: I broke my cardinal rule of sex by not getting up and urinating afterwards (this helps prevent urinary tract & bladder infections) and I ended up with a mild urinary tract infection the next couple of days, but nothing a quick trip to the doctor and some antibiotics didn’t solve.  Ladies: always pee after sex.  Always!

About a week later, when we were in bed together, he asked if I wanted to have anal sex again.  I said I didn’t really want to, and that anal sex was okay, but not worth repeating.  I believed myself at the time, too!  He tried to tell me about my fantastic orgasms and our intense experience, but I couldn’t remember it that way.  It was a blur in my memory, so I assumed it mustn’t have been worth remembering.  He didn’t want to force the issue so we didn’t try again that day.  Next time, after much discussion, he convinced me to give anal another try, and I had very much the same experience as the first time: mind-altering, uncontrollable, body-quaking orgasms.  A few days after that, I still thought anal was just ‘okay.’

One day, while discussing sex with a few girlfriends, the topic of anal came up.  I shared that it was okay, and I wasn’t really that into it, that I wouldn’t miss it if I didn’t do it again.  The other girls shared similar experiences.  Hearing this, my partner corrected me, telling me about the amazing orgasms I’d had during anal, and how amazingly profound they were that my brain had completely shut off, as I was in pure bliss.  As he did so he kind of laughed at my not being able to remember it (because the experience was *that good*), leaned in and kissed my neck softly, and the sensation must have triggered something as it started to come flooding back.  OH. MY.GOD.  I had absolutely LOVED anal sex!  It was so much better than good, and now I could remember it!  Needless to say, I quickly changed my tune from ‘it’s okay’ to ‘ohmygod it’s amazing!’ but I still prefer to do it infrequently.  I have, to date, only completely trusted and been comfortable enough to have anal sex with one person.  Even though I’ve experienced it a whole bunch of very memorable times, we still take it slow, and only go at the pace I’m able to.

This brings me back to my first paragraph of this blog, where I mention that I don’t do anal in my films.  Now I can fully explain.  In porn, the sex scenes are of course to be enjoyed by the participants, but they are primarily a performance.  The anal in porn is rarely excruciatingly slow, and certainly not in positions that the camera would be able to see ‘the action,’ and on top of all of that, while I’ve been in the industry for a few years, I have really only done a small number of scenes, rarely working with the same guy more than once.   For me, at my level of experience, that’s just not enough time to know someone well enough to let him stick his cock in my ass.  So, I’m not against it, I’m sure I’ll do it some day – in fact, I’d very much like to share this level of intimacy through my performances – just not yet.

Happy Humping!

xox Violet

Tags: Anal, Anal sex, Sex

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